Saturday, August 28, 2004


Mike Cope said the other day that he was "ready for the Olympics to end so he can get a life back." I'm ready for them to end so the athletes can get a life back. Am I the only one who sees some of the events as "not-even-close-to-being-a-sport" at best and "totally ridiculous" at worst? I can't believe some of the events I've caught channel surfing during Sports Center commercials. (In fact, isn't channel surfing an event this year?)

Bill Simmons of's page 2 summed up my sentiments exactly:

"While we're on the subject of pet peeves, I vent about this every Olympics, so forgive me for covering old ground ... but really, have you seen some of these sports in the Olympics this month? Wind-surfing? You get a gold medal for this? Freaking wind-surfing?!?!???!?! Are you kidding me? And how did beach volleyball become an Olympic sport when we already hand out medals for team volleyball? Isn't that like making three-on-three hoops an Olympic sport? In fact, why don't we just do that? And touch football, too. And wiffleball. Where does it end?"

So me being the hyper-focused, purpose-filled person that I am, I've decided to give a few brain waves to the cause of conjuring up some other "not-even-close-to-being-a-sport" possiblilities that you might actually enjoy (or at least would get a sick kick out of) watching on the tube in 2008.

Here is my short list:

Synchronized Lawn Darts
Beach Crossword Puzzle Solving
Team Tether Ball
Whale Watching
Soup Can Speed Chuck*
Egging Your Jogging roommate in the Hamstring*
Power Flossing
Speed Sleeping
Women's Ice Moshing
2 Man Kite Flying

You get the idea. Let's hear it fellow bloggerites. Name that "not-even-close-to-being-a-sport"

* Those were good times, weren't they?


Sam Middlebrook said...

You forgot a few, complete with what the TV commentator might say

1. Fast Motion Gardening
"Yes, Lola, Beatrice is one of the fastest spaders in the world. The way she handles those snap peas is simply groundbreaking."

2. Xbox
"It took Bradley four years of going without exposure to sunlight and friends, and here he is today capturing bronze for his country. This Halo 2 performance will be remembered for years"

3. Texas Hold 'Em Poker

4. Open Water Wading
"If you notice, Liz, Mark is one of the best at open water wading. It could be months before his face touches the water. (Insert laughing, because in the world of open water wading, this is a very funny joke).

5. Paper Airplane Distance Throwing
"Ever since he was a boy, Larry Krumrine has waited for this moment. Long known as the best in the world in the "college-ruled-hole-punched" category, he'll now be recognized by the IOCC. America has never been prouder!

Lovell's Lookout said...

Some that Texans would excel in:

1. CAtfishing
2. Tobacco Spitting/ Watermelon Seed spitting
3. Rodeo
4. Naval popping "Katie- they heard that one backstage!"
5. Beer Chugging "Costas- look at that man go!!!"
6. Horse shoes/ "warshers"