Wednesday, October 27, 2004

And the Oscar goes to .... Napoleon Dynamite

Kip, Napoleon Dynamite, Uncle Rico

One of the greatest movies of all times has to be Napoleon Dynamite. If you have not seen this epically (is that a word?) funny movie - by all means - go see it right now. It is PG and put out by - get this - MTV films! It is super clean, terribly hilarious, and is one of the most quoteable movies ever (Fletch, Dumb & Dumber, Tommy Boy & Tombstone rounding out the top 5) and I've taken the liberty to share of my favorite lines in this classic comedy:

Napoleon Dynamite : Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip.
Kip : Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.
Napoleon Dynamite : Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
Kip : Try and hit me, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite : What?
Kip : I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me.

Napoleon Dynamite : Hey can I use your guys's phone for a sec?
Secretary No. 1 : Is there anything wrong?
Napoleon Dynamite : I don't feel very good. [takes telephone and dials number]
Kip : [making nachos on the other line] Hi.
Napoleon Dynamite : Is grandma there?
Kip : No, she's getting her hair done. Napoleon Dynamite : Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Kip : What do you need?
Napoleon Dynamite : Can you just go get her for me?
Kip : I'm really busy right now.
Napoleon Dynamite : Just tell her to come get me.
Kip : Why?
Napoleon Dynamite : Cause I don't feel good!
Kip : Well, have you talked to the school nurse?
Napoleon Dynamite : No, she doesn't know anything. Will you just come get me?
Kip : No.
Napoleon Dynamite : Well, will you do me a favor then? Can you bring me my chapstick?
Kip : No, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite : But my lips hurt real bad!
Kip : Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has like five sticks in her drawer.
Napoleon Dynamite : I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko!
Kip : See ya.
Napoleon Dynamite : Ugh! Idiot!

Uncle Rico : So how are things going with you and your girlfriend?
Kip : Well, I think it's getting pretty serious. We chat online for like two hours a day so yeah, you could say it's getting pretty serious.

What were your favorite lines?

Monday, October 18, 2004

He Had A Million of Em!

I came across this and thought it was worth sharing:

Comedian Rodney Dangerfield, who died October 5, 2004, at age 82, made a living making fun of himself and the difficulty of getting what we all desire: a little respect, please. Some of his best lines were:

"I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, "There goes the neighborhood!"

"Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide.' He told me to pay in advance."

"My uncle's dying wish, he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair."

"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

"I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor, so they sent a priest to talk to me. He said, "On your mark. …"

"My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday."

"I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the West."

Post a comment sometime when you have no class.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Flop Til You Drop!

A friend of mine sent me this link today in an email. This is funny no matter who you are. Click here.


You might have to refresh it and it does take a minute to load but is worth the wait.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

My Head Hurts

My head hurts. Why you ask?

Headache? No.
Blunt blow to the skull? Nope.
De-hydration? Nah.

Sitting in a church planter's conference from 9:00 - 5:00 that was light on breaks and heavy on content? Yes.

Yesterday was amazing! My head is a Thanksgiving turkey crammed with the stuffing of information and quotes and ideas.

Here is a taste:

* There is more than one way to grow a church.
* It takes all kinds of churches to reach all kinds of people.
* If a principle is biblical, it will work anywhere.
* Never confuse the method with the message. The message must never change, but the methods must continually change.
* It's not about church growth. It is about church health.
* We need to have the attitude of "We are a family expected guests"
* Churches can be driven by tradition, personalities, finances, buildings, programs, events, the un-churched, and many other bad forces.
* We must continually communicate the vision. The MVP of the World Series will go to spring training next year.
* It is all about balance.
* Goals help faith turn into facts.
* Pastors must help the church catch the vision. We must practice "creative redundancy"
* The major difference between church planting and church launching is that you plant small but you launch large.
* Priorities of a Purpose-Driven Church should be: #1: Purposes #2: People #3: Program #4: Property. Most churches focus too much on property.
* Jesus had a clear evangelistic target: Matt 15:24
* Paul had a clear evangelistic target: Gal 2:7
* Jesus gave the disciples a clear evangelistic target: Matt 10:5-6
* Most unchurched are not athesists. They are just turned off and too busy.
* The longer you have been a believer the less you think like one.
* We can be committed to building a church without building a building.
* More people are won to Christ because of feeling God's presence rather than understanding the right theology.

A few great quotes:
* The secret of concentration is elimination.
* God loves you and everyone has a plan for your life
* Without vision the people find another parish.
* Is what is hanging on the wall - happening down the hall? (Mission Statements)
* It is easier to turn a crowd into a core than turn a core into a crowd.
* Jesus sent us out to be wise and harmless. The church has nailed down the second one.
* Money spent on evangelism is never an expense - it is always an investment.
* Churches never really have money problems - they usually have idea problems.
* God's work done God's way will not lack God's support. - Hudson Taylor.
* The tension between "service" and "serve-us" exists in every church.
* If we send mixed signals we will get mixed results.
* Depth is action - doing the word not in knowing it. Don't judge a church my how deep the preaching is but rather how the members live.
* Internal announcements often become eternal announcements.
* If you want to take the temperature of your church - put the thermometer in your own mouth. (Pastors)
* We need to make our churches safe places to hear a dangerous message.
* Growing churches love and loving churches grow.
* The second half of a man's life is determined by the habits he acquired during the first half. - Dostoyevski

There was so much more. So much. Thanks for letting me down load some of this. My head feels better already.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Turn Down The Silence!

Disclaimer: This will be a reflective post in the "journaling tradition" of Brandon Scott as opposed to the "insightful tradition" of Mike Cope, the "encouraging tradition" of Kim Quile, or the "comical tradition" of Grant Boone.

Yesterday God spoke to me. Actually we had a nice long talk. Well actually he did most of the talking.

No, not in a deep, Sean Conery-ish, audible voice, but rather in a still, quiet moving of my spirit. How he spoke is not the issue - But make no mistake about it - He spoke.

And what he said is particularly not the primary point of this post either.

No the real deal is that God spoke to me.

Here is how the day unfolded:

When I woke up I thought that God was trying to tell me something but I was in a hurry to get the gym to build up my beaten down temple so that God would have a nice home. So I really didn't hear Him.

Later that morning He painted me a sunrise and gave me my family which, while I was really grateful for this, never took the time to thank Him for because I was in a hurry to get to work at the ministry I work at and do some really important work for God. So I really didn't talk to Him.

In between work and I was driving to my Spiritual Formation class and I could've sworn that God was trying to get my attention but I turned on the radio to get the weather report because I was flying out later that day so I never caught what he was saying.

In my class we focused on the spiritual disciplines as tools to get closer to God and I know God was almost shouting at me about my lack of space for Him to work in me but I had no time to deal with those tough issues because as soon as class (Spiritual Formation class - no less!) was over I was going to rush to the airport and catch a flight to Dallas so that I could attend a (get this) Church Planters conference so I just couldn't deal with my lack of spiritual disciplines - I had to focus on planting a church for God!

Then a funny thing happened. A storm appeared and lightning and floods and thunder came on the scene. Could it be God was trying to give me a glimpse of His power in hopes that I might be drawn into His presence? No. It was simply a distraction which soaked my pant legs and canceled the last flight (my flight) out of Abilene and caused me to have to spend $100 that I didn't have and drive 3 hours that I didn't have. What a pain! Did God not know my plans?

(Insert Napoleon Dynamite saying "idiot!" right here)

Of course God did. And he also know that my priorities can get out of sync quicker than N'Sync broke up.

So he put me in a car and drove with me to Dallas.

And He told me to not turn on the radio and for some strange reason I didn't. He told me to not get on the cell phone which of course, I fought Him tooth and nail and made a few calls because - hey - that silence was deafening.

And then it happened. God began to speak to me in that silence. He told me of ways that I live out of balance, out of step with His spirit, and rushed. He told me that before I can make His home better I better have room for Him to live. He told me that families can be taken away and I better be grateful because before you know it they'll be gone. He spoke of missionless ministry and the sin of working for God without God working in me. God used this silent, rainy drive to convict me of taking a class on spiritual formation and yet not allowing my own spirit to be formed as it should. And here is the kicker - God actually said, "Joel, before can plant a church you must allow me to be planted in the soil of your priorities, your time."

I almost turned on the radio to listen to some music (Christian of course) but I didn't. I drove on letting God speak. And something happened on that quiet journey that I don't think would have occurred on the planned plane ride - I listened.

It was quiet ... and I loved it!