Saturday, January 14, 2006

Ill. Legal. He. Blond.

Kim and I had free evaluations done yesterday at a club we just joined. I'm sick. Not literally (well, according to the results - yes, I actually am!) but figuratively for sure. Kim, ran farther than me, was more flexible than me and did more push ups than me! Okay, Kim runs 2-4 miles three days a week so I get the running deal. Flexibility, no shock there either - I have the range of motion of a statue (and my golf game can prove it). But push ups? Isn't that just sickening? I'm serious. When she passed me up (I will never tell how many/few I did...and she better not rat me out either!) my stomach just got sour. I was ashamed and felt like I had let the entire male race down. For what it is worth, I creamed her in the bench press test.

I don't know why we even had a fitness evaluation. You could have done one from a quarter of a mile away. "Hey that petite girl looks like she is in shape..." "Hey that guy looks like a stand up freezer...that excess tonnage must be murder on his that spare tire he is carrying...did he have a flat or something?"

Scott Ballard used to be a friend of mine. True, I never call him and it is a shame that we haven't hung out since he moved to the Metroplex...but I still counted him as a friend. That was until he pulled this little Photoshop miracle out of his hat: click here to see his response to my recent post about being a crossing guard. I know that I'll later regret this when I see this picture make it's way around the net, but I've been blessed with the ministry saving gift of being able to laugh at myself, so no big deal. The good news is that Scott didn't obtain my permission so I plan on suing him for millions and millions and that will be cool because I'll have all that money and I'll find happiness and life's true meaning...

You punk Scott!

My (well not mine exclusively...I haven't sued Scott yet) dry cleaner's name is He. He is a she. A woman. And her name is He. It is confusing and awkward for me because I'm often flashing back to 4th grade and giggling about that kind of stuff. It is not for Kim because she is busy trying to tell the world about Jesus and His unconditional love and grace. So she (Kim) tells He (her, my dry cleaner) about Jesus and they talk and now Kim and her (He) are friends. He (she) just got a new house so Kim is doing something cool for them. I'm praying for her (He) and for Kim to be able to reach out to her.

Speaking of praying...the lady who did our fitness evaluation (remember: "Kim in shape" and "Joel is stand up freezer"...) anyway, her name is Jennifer. She graduated from Lubbock Christian University and lives in Trophy Club. Well her mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer and I want everyone to please pray for her. Kim and I prayed with her yesterday and she was very appreciative. I'll give more details later.

I just ran across the best blond joke I have ever seen. It is hilarious! Check it out here:

Have a great weekend and you stay classy world.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Crossing Guard

In a few minutes I will have to get up from "my" chair at Starbucks and make the 2 minute trek to Beck Elementary to serve as the Crossing Guard. Every Thursday morning I have the blessing to interact with those young students who brave the "mean streets" of Trophy Club, and walk to school. It is one of the highlights of my week.

I haven't made any significant relationships in my weekly 30 second interactions with the students or their parents, despite my obvious sacrifice of throwing myself in harms way of soccer moms and their menacing minivans. I don't believe anyone has come to Jesus, let alone our church, as a byproduct of my bravery. Truth be told, there hasn't been one time I've been called upon to dive in front of a Hummer or Lexus to save a life.

No, I just show up and grab my stop sign and help kids make it to their destination.

When I'm done I go to work at church.

And I try and help God's kids make it to their destination.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

'Whatever the hell did God do for us?"

I went to bed last night with the news of the miners being found alive. I woke up to the news of all of them but one were dead. I cannot imagine the horrible emotional rollercoaster those families went through last night.

I read this quote this morning and must admit I was neither shocked nor offended.

"Whatever the hell did God do for us?"

This was spoken by one of the family members after the church pastor told him to calm down. You can read the entire story here.

It raised more than one question in my mind:

Why do we forget Calvary so quickly?

Would I react the same way if had been my loved one?

Is life about God doing for us or us doing for God? Or both?

How do you say "calm down" to a person who for 3 hours was celebrating a miracle and then found out that it was false?

Why do I believe the lie of my enemy and live life like this world is really my home?

We all want God to do something more us at different times in our lives. I long for the day when I can trust He loves me no matter what His answer is.