Saturday, January 14, 2006

Ill. Legal. He. Blond.

Kim and I had free evaluations done yesterday at a club we just joined. I'm sick. Not literally (well, according to the results - yes, I actually am!) but figuratively for sure. Kim, ran farther than me, was more flexible than me and did more push ups than me! Okay, Kim runs 2-4 miles three days a week so I get the running deal. Flexibility, no shock there either - I have the range of motion of a statue (and my golf game can prove it). But push ups? Isn't that just sickening? I'm serious. When she passed me up (I will never tell how many/few I did...and she better not rat me out either!) my stomach just got sour. I was ashamed and felt like I had let the entire male race down. For what it is worth, I creamed her in the bench press test.

I don't know why we even had a fitness evaluation. You could have done one from a quarter of a mile away. "Hey that petite girl looks like she is in shape..." "Hey that guy looks like a stand up freezer...that excess tonnage must be murder on his that spare tire he is carrying...did he have a flat or something?"

Scott Ballard used to be a friend of mine. True, I never call him and it is a shame that we haven't hung out since he moved to the Metroplex...but I still counted him as a friend. That was until he pulled this little Photoshop miracle out of his hat: click here to see his response to my recent post about being a crossing guard. I know that I'll later regret this when I see this picture make it's way around the net, but I've been blessed with the ministry saving gift of being able to laugh at myself, so no big deal. The good news is that Scott didn't obtain my permission so I plan on suing him for millions and millions and that will be cool because I'll have all that money and I'll find happiness and life's true meaning...

You punk Scott!

My (well not mine exclusively...I haven't sued Scott yet) dry cleaner's name is He. He is a she. A woman. And her name is He. It is confusing and awkward for me because I'm often flashing back to 4th grade and giggling about that kind of stuff. It is not for Kim because she is busy trying to tell the world about Jesus and His unconditional love and grace. So she (Kim) tells He (her, my dry cleaner) about Jesus and they talk and now Kim and her (He) are friends. He (she) just got a new house so Kim is doing something cool for them. I'm praying for her (He) and for Kim to be able to reach out to her.

Speaking of praying...the lady who did our fitness evaluation (remember: "Kim in shape" and "Joel is stand up freezer"...) anyway, her name is Jennifer. She graduated from Lubbock Christian University and lives in Trophy Club. Well her mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer and I want everyone to please pray for her. Kim and I prayed with her yesterday and she was very appreciative. I'll give more details later.

I just ran across the best blond joke I have ever seen. It is hilarious! Check it out here:

Have a great weekend and you stay classy world.


Scott said...

Nothing but answer your phone sometime!! I know now all you do is pray and fast since becoming a pastor and play golf but surely you can find some time.

P.S. have fun suing are are looking for a lot in a little...kinda like shopping at Hastings for a guitar.

Kevin said...

hey, that is a photoshop miracle... that crossing guard is in shape!!!

Beverly said...

we miss you guys!