Friday, July 30, 2004

Who'd Win In a Fight?

Tonight Mike Tyson fights Danny Williams in a classic "Who Cares?" match. Click here if you actually do care. But it got me to thinking (along with some help from my wife who was actually going to post some similar foolishness on her blog but was talked out of it because I wanted her to keep her job and me to get the glory) about a game we used to play on road trips over the walkie-talkies between vans. I say something profound like, "who'd win in a fight: Lois Brown (70+ sweetheart of a lady at our church) or Glen Kauk (135lbs of the nicest guy on the planet, also at our church)?" to which the kids in the other van would debate it and then give me via the walkie talkie their pick. So I thought we'd play that game here - blogger style! Here it goes:

Who'd Win In a Fight?

Bush or Kerry?
Animal (Muppets) or Barney (big, dumb purple dinosaur)?
Royce Money or Dalbert?
The Apostle Paul or the Apostle Peter?
"Rev." Sharpton or "Rev." Jackson (I'd pay to see that)
Grimmus (big purple guy from McDonalds) or Taco Bell dog?
A Watermelon or a Waterpick (tooth care product)?
Afleck or Damon?
Michael Jackson or Lisa Marie?
Stewart Scott or Dan Patrick?
Shaq or Yao?
Grant Boone or Pat Boone?
A feather or a paper clip?
Saddam or Bin Laden?
Moses or John the Baptist?
Luke Wilson or Owen Wilson?
Jeff Berry or Brandon Scott Thomas?
Mel Gibson or Michael Moore?
Bill or Hillary?
Mike Cope or Rick Atchley?
A DVD or a VHS?
My Blog or a kick to the groin?
The Wiggles or N'Sync?

You get the idea... So who are your picks? OR... Who are your "dream fights?"

Taking idleness to a whole new level,
Joel


8 comments:

Val said...

Bush. Kerry has gone soft.
Animal. But the subsequent drug testing would DQ him.
Dalbert. But just because Pam missed the tag.
Peter. Going for Paul's weak spot.
Sharpton. Street smart and prison experience.
The dog. Ankle biters unite!
Watermelon. Lessons from Gallagher.
Damon. Even J Lo whipped Affleck.
Dan Patrick. Just a hunch.
Shaq. Democracy over Communism.
Pat Boone. Are you serious? No contest.
Paper clip. Vegas already handicapped those odds.
Bin Laden. Come on. He's got 55 brothers to back him up.
Moses. He killed a guy.
Owen Wilson. How many times has that nose been broken?
Jeff Berry. BST is very ticklish.
Mel Gibson. Moore gets distracted by a Twinkie and...
Hillary. But she obviously has not hit below the belt.
Atchley. TX v. MO? Get real.
DVD. VHS is too confident after taking Beta.
Kick to the groin. Not as self-promoting.
Wiggles or N'Sync? Bring back the kick to the groin.

Brandon Scott said...

Love it!! OK here goes--
1. definitely Bush. He's from Texas and knows how to kick some.
2. definitely muppets--have you seen that animal guy?
3. Dalbert--without a doubt
4. Peter
5. Jackson
6. Grimmus
7. A water pick--leaner, meaner.
8. Damon
9. Lisa Marie--hello?
10.Like I know.
11. Shaq.
12. Me thinks Pat could kick some serious bootay with those white patton leather shoes.
13. a paper clip
14. Bin laden--obviously.
15. Moses
16. Luke Wilson. He's already disfigured Owen's nose more than once.
17. As if. It's already been determined. BST wins heands down.
18. Mel, fo sho.
19. Hillary
20. Hmmm..hard one. Probably Mike. He's everywhere-he bounces, he jives, he moves, he's a wild man.
21. DVD
22. your blog, fo sho.
23. If the Wiggles win any fight, then I'm a monkey's uncle. Theya re like 90% body fat, aren't they?

My dream fight is between Royce and Gary Mc. Maybe then we could try one between Alan Ross and Winkie James.

Corey said...

C'mon BST. Alan Ross vs. Winkie James? Are you kidding? No contest. Winkie would win because any hit to that ribber nose of his will just bounce off and hit Alan in the unitard.

I would like to see a couple of the battles.

1. Jack Reese vs. Vic Vadney (you were all thinking it)
2. Pappasitos vs. Uncle Julio's
3. Teletubbies vs. those creatures from BooBah (ask your kids...)
4. Cajun Cones vs. Marble Slab
5. Brenda Warner vs. Mike Martz

Just to name a few...

Corey said...

Oh...I meant "RUBBER" nose. Nice typing.

Rob said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rob said...

I've met Seidman (not a bad use of a few hours), I've giggled at Lovell (pretty funny guy when he's not alone), I've shared a table G Boone more times than I can count (always marveling at his whit and appetite). BST is the only man in the world I will give 3 names to (other than Osama Bin Laden). I can even stomach Reg Cox now that Amy and child have brought him round. But this Joel Quile guy. More than any of these other fellas, I gotta meet Joel Quile. Witty. Reads Bill Simmons (my start page after logging on). Knows Austin needs a relevant church. And constantly keeps Lovell and BST back tracking. Someday sir, I would be honored to share a beverage of your choice over a MNF game and argue the supremecy of Larry Bird over anyone who ever played. Until then, blog on for we are listening.

P.S. Shoulda taken David Wallace for the Pentateuch...

Rob said...

Sorry sorry for for the the double double post post... ...

Anonymous said...

Bush or Kerry?

Hard to call, I’d want to go with Bush, but it might be hard for him to hit a pruned-up, shriveled, California raisin face.
Animal (Muppets) or Barney (big, dumb purple dinosaur)?

Duh, Animal. I can’t think of a fight Barney could win
Royce Money or Dalbert?

No Idea who those people are… does that make me out of touch, or you old?
The Apostle Paul or the Apostle Peter?

Hmm… tough, peter was pretty mean with a sword if I remember correct, (watch your ears) but I think Paul’s previous training stoning the crap out of believers might just pay off here.
"Rev." Sharpton or "Rev." Jackson (I'd pay to see that)

I’d pay to see anyone/thing beat either one of these people. I think the way to get Jackson would be to list to him 5 or 6 cities that currently have some issue dealing with liberties being violated, he’d explode as he tried to go five directions at the same time to mess with things he doesn’t belong in the middle of. Sharpton just needs to be drug out into a field and shot, though I guess you could just tell him that his dream is coming true and the federal government is cutting checks as reparations, then tell him his comes out to $11.74
Grimmus (big purple guy from McDonalds) or Taco Bell dog?

If I knew what kind of animal Grimace was, then I might have an idea. Since Grimace’s one trick is… well a grimace, then I’d say the Talking Dog might have an evolutionary edge.
A Watermelon or a Waterpick (tooth care product)?

This one is either lame, or I’m too stupid to come up with a response.
Afleck or Damon?

Damon, afleck will never be the same after the great evil (Jennifer Lopez) He must have all kinds of debilitating STD’s he’ll be tired for years.
Michael Jackson or Lisa Marie?

Will there be a balcony involved, cause he’s got a mean head-lock dangle move.
Stewart Scott or Dan Patrick?

Sports guys? Right?... Hmm.. I’ve heard of patrick before.. so I’ll go with him
Shaq or Yao?

Shaq, twice. Lower, larger center of gravity. Plus one time I wrestled a Chinese dude who had been trained and served in the Chinese military. He went down like an old lady on steep stairs.
Grant Boone or Pat Boone?

This one has potential for some funny responses… just not from me.
A feather or a paper clip?

In space? Or on earth? Cause having no atmosphere to slow down the feather would make a huge difference.
Saddam or Bin Laden?

In what Venue? Or who’s cave I guess. I’d pay to watch, then we could shoot the winner.
Moses or John the Baptist?

Moses, as long as he gets to keep his staff. He’s the man and stuff, just not sure he’d have the ... to beat a half-naked, filthy, wilderness dude with his bare hands.
Luke Wilson or Owen Wilson?

Luke I would think, he’d get distracted by that jacked up nose.
Mel Gibson or Michael Moore?

With God on his side Gibson would take that liberal fat tub of goo out like a fat kid in dodge ball. Truth is though, he’d probably make some fake papers with headlines like “Moore kicks the crap out of gibson” then make a “true” “documentary” about it.
Bill or Hillary?

Clinton or Duff? Cause bill doesn’t seem to be able to handle the women folk, or keep them quiet I guess. Duff might be able to take him, she’s not the tiniest thing, seems to go for the “healthier” ones. As for Hillary Clinton, I’d say she could like seduce him and do it in his sleep, but I’m not sure she could seduce even Billy at this point, Butch fem-Nazi.


So that’s all I could come up with.