Meet Jack Reilly...and Meet Jesus!

Wow! That is all I can say! My last post was a "sports" post. This is a "life" post.

Stop what you're doing and read this! Incredible! Wow!

When you're done, come back and read the words to the song below. Only when you are done!


Father I Never Had
by Joel Engle

Verse 1
There's a little child inside this man, who still does not understand
Why momma had to die, she didn't say goodbye
Daddy left without a trace, I never even saw his face
Was I to blame, I still feel the pain of hot shattered like glass that cut my soul to pieces
I never thought I would love again, until I met you Jesus

Chorus
You're the Father I never had
And Your love never changes, through the good times and the bad
You're the Father I never had
Just hold me in Your arms and heal me of the past and be the Father I never had

Verse 2
I was a teenage boy in a small town, standing outside the crowd
Unwanted and unclaimed, a face without a name, almost every night I'd cry and cry
Asking the questions why, mom and dad would leave this lonely son to grieve
The deserts of my years, they were watered with my tears,
But when I met you face to Face, You wiped away my fears.

Chorus

Bridge
Although I was rejected, You were my friend
Although I was abandoned, Your love drew me in.....
Oh Your love drew me in...

Chorus

Double Wow!

Feelin' Sporty!

If you haven't read the great article about the amazing transformation of Josh Hamilton, stop what you are doing right this minute and do it! You can find it here.

Detroit wins the Stanley Cup. Really, who cares. Don Cherry's coat...ridiculous!

Lakers vs. Celtics...Awesome! Old School baby! A blast from the past! Predictions?

Hurry up and get back Tiger!

A Question and Dancer Kind of Guy

From my journal entry this morning:

"2 Samuel 5 & 6 tells the story of David dancing before the Lord. But before the dance comes victory. Before the victory comes the battle. Before the battle comes hearing from the Lord. Before hearing from the Lord comes inquiring from the Lord.

God help me to inquire of you - your will for my life. I want to say to you, 'if you say go attack the Philistines I will go.' I want to hear from you. I want to go to battle! I want to experience victory. I want to dance! God I love you. Show me what you want me to do for your name today! I'll become undignified for you!"

Everyone wants victory. If you ask God, you just might get it. If you get it...dance with all your might!

Open Me

Shawn McDonald sings a song that is the cry of my heart. It is a plea from the deep, real part of his soul. It is my prayer also.

Would You open up eyes, so I can see
Would You open up my ears, so I can hear
Would You open up my mind, so I can know
Would You open up my heart, so could love You more

I want to serve You, my God
I want to give everything
I want to serve You, my King, yeah
I want to serve You, my Lord
I want to give You everything, yeah

Here I am with my arms open wide
Asking for You to come up, up inside
Won’t You make me new, won’t You make me true
Jesus, won’t You make me like You, oh

Will You touch my eyes so I can see
Will You touch my ears so I can hear
Will You touch my mind so I can know
Will You touch my heart so I can love You more

Won’t You open me
Won’t You open me, open me
Won’t You open me, open me
Won’t You open me, open me
Won’t You open me, open me


What is your soul's strong supplication?

Less Is Way More

I always want more so I chase more only to find less. What I'm learning (painfully slow) is that "less" is always the road we must travel to arrive at "more." In fact, it is almost disturbingly inverse. If you want much more, you must pursue a lot less.

Kim and I are considering downsizing homes and going to one car. We're asking God if less could really result in more? (More time? More peace? More to give away? More to enjoy?) I'm ruthlessly weeding out my schedule looking for opportunities to drop and delegate. And of course, every Sunday I stand before my brothers and sisters with less and less material in hopes of proclaiming more and more meaning. Call it editing, downsizing, pruning, whatever you'd like.

Just try it.

You have less to lose and more to gain than you think.

Here is one example of what it might look like: www.junkycarclub.com

Stressed, Bored, A Bit Overwhelmed? Try These.

Pop some bubble wrap here.
Hear a song about french fries here.
Buy some dog armor here.
Watch a video that will worry you here.
Check out the Hawaii Chair here.
Lebron James on the Etch-A-Sketch here.
Hot Dog and Table Saw video here.
Oreo sculptures here.
Fingers Breakdancing here.
Sidewalk Chalk Guy paintings here.
Japanese Pen Spinning here.

Now get back to whatever it was you were doing.

Thunder

I'm not a huge fan of storms. I'm comfortable with "close" lightning. By "close" I mean, "close enough to hit me." But I sure do love Thunder. I hate the thought, mention, or chance of a tornado. I'm not especially fond of the rain in general. But I'm enthralled by Thunder. I have some great memories of my time in Abilene (all three stints) just sitting outside and listening to the thunder roll and pound and rock the earth. I love thunder and thought I'd learn something new today about it. A quick Google search yielded the thoughts below:

Thunder is a natural sound phenomenon that is caused by a discharge of lightning. The lightning rapidly heats and expands the nearby air's volume by over a thousand times, forming a powerful compression wave that is heard as thunder. Because the lightning spike is usually quite long, the sound of the more distant thunder is heard later, which accounts for the duration of the rumbling sound. Thunder is usually not heard from a distance greater than about 10 miles / 16 kilometers.

Thunder is recorded in The Bible both as a naturally occurring event and as a tool that God sometimes used to demonstrate His power over man and nature.

Natural

• "When He gave to the wind its weight, and meted out the waters by measure; when He made a decree for the rain, and a way for the lightning of the thunder" (Job 28:25-26 RSV)

• "The clouds poured out water; the skies gave forth thunder." (Psalm 77:17 RSV)

God's Power

• "Then Moses stretched forth his rod toward heaven; and The Lord sent thunder and hail, and fire ran down to the earth. And The Lord rained hail upon the land of Egypt; there was hail, and fire flashing continually in the midst of the hail, very heavy hail, such as had never been in all the land of Egypt since it became a nation. The hail struck down everything that was in the field throughout all the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and the hail struck down every plant of the field, and shattered every tree of the field. Only in The Land Of Goshen, where the people of Israel were, there was no hail." (Exodus 9:23-26 RSV) (see The Ten Plagues)

• "On the morning of the third day there were thunders and lightnings, and a thick cloud upon the mountain, and a very loud trumpet blast, so that all the people who were in the camp trembled. Then Moses brought the people out of the camp to meet God; and they took their stand at the foot of the mountain. And Mount Sinai was wrapped in smoke, because The Lord descended upon it in fire; and the smoke of it went up like the smoke of a kiln, and the whole mountain quaked greatly. And as the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder, Moses spoke, and God answered him in thunder." (Exodus 19:16-19 RSV) (see The Ten Commandments)

• "So Samuel called upon The Lord, and The Lord sent thunder and rain that day; and all the people greatly feared The Lord and Samuel." (1 Samuel 12:18 RSV)

• "Now I saw when the Lamb opened one of The Seven Seals, and I heard one of the four living creatures say, as with a voice of thunder, "Come!" (Revelation 6:1 RSV)

Fact Finder: What was Jesus' nickname for James and John?
Mark 3:17

I'm writing this in the middle of a powerful thunderstorm. I'm praying that the powerful God who sends the thunder and speaks in thunder, will send me and speak through me today.

Learn Something New Everyday

As I quickly approach the top of the "hill", I realize that learning is becoming more difficult. With school behind me (for now) and my time being fuller than I wish, I don't read as much as I'd like. Thus, often I don't learn as much as I'd like. But with the beauty and the power of the internet, I too can learn something new everyday. Take today for example. I learned something highly useful just by checking my email. So I leave you with this valuable tip...enjoy!

"Call me stupid cause I didn't know this. LD

I've been using aluminum foil for more years than I care
to remember. Great stuff, but sometimes it can be a pain. You know, like
when you are in the middle of doing something and you try to pull some
foil out and the roll comes out of the box. Then you have to put the
roll back in the box and start over. The darn roll always comes out at
the wrong time.

Well, I would like to share this with you. Yesterday I
went to throw out an empty Reynolds foil box and for some reason I
turned it and looked at the end of the box. And written on the end it
said, "Press here to lock end". Right there on the end of the box is a
tab to lock the roll in place. How long has this little locking tab been
there? I then looked at a generic brand of aluminum foil and it had
one, too. I then looked at a box of Saran wrap and it had one too! I
can't count the number of times the Saran wrap roll has jumped out when
I was trying to cover something up."

Amazing!

A Great Day

5:00 The alarm goes off and I hit snooze. It is a good day.
5:20 I'm done hitting snooze and hit the shower. It is a good day.
5:55 Out the door, headed to the church. It is a good day.
6:00 In the door at the church. It is a good day.
6:01 Review notes, pray, and think. It is a good day.
7:30 Chat with Stephen, a great friend. It is a good day.
8:45 Head to the lobby to see who God would send us today. It is a good day.
9:05 Class. Steve is starting a series on heaven. Wow! It is a good day.
9:45 Back to the lobby. Cliff arrives. Double Wow! It is a good day.
10:00 Service starts. Smaller crowd. Still big God! It is a good day.
11:15 Service is over. Welcome begins. Greg, Misty, kids, Carl, Yvonne. It is a good day.
1:00 Welcome wraps up. It went wonderful. It is a good day.
1:30 Arrive home. Final prep for Senior Celebration. Trip to the church. It is a good day.
2:45 A little database work and a little Lakers and a lot of relaxing. It is a good day.
4:30 Get ready for Senior Celebration. It is a good day.
5:00 Senior Celebration. Laura's beautiful. See the picture below. It is a good day.
8:30 Senior Celebration is over. It was a powerful evening! It is a good day.
8:35 Great encouragement from Gary and Matt. Feel so grateful. It is a good day.
8:50 Quick trip to Starbucks. A tall Pike. It is a good day.
9:15 Home. Laura was so blessed. She was so grateful. It is a good day.
9:45 A little Cubs/Cardinals. A little Sports Center. A little Stars/Sharks. It is a good day.
10:45 Overtime in the hockey game. It is a good day.
10:50 Going to bed with my bride before overtime begins. It is a good day.
10:55 Walking through my house, praying for my kids, thanking God for my life...
It was a great day.

Odds of Dying

I found this rather morbid...

"Marriage Lite" is Misery Heavy

I ran across the following article the other day that made me revisit my strong convictions about the holiness of marriage. Several other real time factors have helped bubble this issue up to the surface of my thoughts in the past few days, including a wedding I performed over the weekend. I want to go on record as saying that I believe that there is a reason that marriage is the oldest relationship known to man: It is because of God considers the covenant relationship between a man and woman to be a holy bond. As if God's strong views of marriage weren't enough...the following only adds to the pros of marriage and really highlights the "cons" of living together. I've always refered to it in front of my kids as "marriage lite" or "playing married" and they know my thoughts on why anything less than a marriage covenant is "deal with the devil."

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the issue as well.

In a 2007 edition of the New Oxford Review, Dr. A. Patrick Schneider II, who holds boards in family and geriatric medicine and runs a private practice in Lexington, Kentucky, did a statistical analysis of cohabitation in America, based on the findings of a number of academic resources. Here are five conclusions Schneider draws from his studies:

1. Relationships are unstable in cohabitation. One-sixth of cohabiting couples stay together for only three years; one in ten survives five or more years.
   
   
2. Cohabiting women often end up with the responsibilities of marriage—particularly when it comes to caring for children—without the legal protection. Research has also found that cohabiting women contribute more than 70 percent of the relationship's income.
   
   
3. Cohabitation brings a greater risk of sexually transmitted diseases, because cohabiting men are four times more likely to be unfaithful than husbands.
   
   
4. Poverty rates are higher among cohabitors. Those who share a home but never marry have 78 percent less wealth than the continuously married.
   
   
5. Those who suffer most from cohabitation are the children. The poverty rate among children of cohabiting couples is fivefold greater than the rate among children in married-couple households. Children ages 12–17 with cohabiting parents are six times more likely to exhibit emotional and behavioral problems and 122 percent more likely to be expelled from school.
   
   

Brian Lowery, associate editor, PreachingToday.com; source: A. Patrick Schneider II, "Cohabitation is bad for men, worse for women, and horrible for children," www.lifesite.net (10-4-07), reprinted from an original article in the New Oxford Review

Lucky or Blessed?

I just read an interesting and thought provoking article from the LA Times about the tornadoes that ripped through Union University and God's hand in all of it.

Check it out for yourself by clicking here.

Three's a Charm

I don't recall posting to simply recommend reading someone else's blog, but today I am doing just that. In fact, I'm pointing you in three directions.

For a compact and cool look at "preparing for the tests of life" click here.

For a random look at little (and yet truly big) things in life, click here.

And for a delightful piece on vintage aprons and the stories behind them, click here.

Enjoy!

PS: I go into 7-eleven every morning for a Glaceau Vitamin water and a Snicker's Marathon. I engage in intentional conversation with a young clerk named Abby. Today Abby finally asked me where I was going at 5:30am every Sunday. I told him, "to church" to which he replied, "pray for me."

I did. I will continue to do so. Will you join me? Next week I will ask him what specifically I can pray for him. I'll keep you posted.

Oswald's Been "Reading My Mail"

The following are yesterday's and today's entries from the classic, My Utmost For His Highest, by Oswald Chambers. Talk about meeting me where I'm at...man! Oswald is all up in my head! Enjoy. Yeah right! More like - "Buckle Up!"

February 5th - Are You Ready To Be Offered?

“Yea, and if I be offered upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I joy and rejoice with you all.”
Philippians 2:17

Are you willing to be offered for the work of the faithful - to pour out your life blood as a libation on the sacrifice of the faith of others? Or do you say - "I am not going to be offered up just yet, I do not want God to choose my work. I want to choose the scenery of my own sacrifice; I want to have the right kind of people watching and saying, 'Well done.'

It is one thing to go on the lonely way with dignified heroism, but quite another thing if the line mapped out for you by God means being a door-mat under other people's feet. Suppose God wants to teach you to say, "I know how to be abased" - are you ready to be offered up like that? Are you ready to be not so much as a drop in a bucket - to be so hopelessly insignificant that you are never thought of again in connection with the life you served? Are you willing to spend and be spent; not seeking to be ministered unto, but to minister? Some saints cannot do menial work and remain saints because it is beneath their dignity.


February 6th - Are You Ready To Be Offered?

“I am already being poured out as a drink offering.” 2 Timothy 4:6

"I am ready to be offered." It is a transaction of will, not of sentiment. Tell God you are ready to be offered; then let the consequences be what they may, there is no strand of complaint now, no matter what God chooses. God puts you through the crisis in private, no one person can help an other. Externally the life may be the same; the difference is in will. Go through the crisis in will, then when it comes externally there will he no thought of the cost. If you do not transact in will with God along this line, you will end in awakening sympathy for yourself.

"Bind the sacrifice with cords, even unto the horns of the altar." The altar means fire - burning and purification and insulation for one purpose only, the destruction of every affinity that God has not started and of every attachment that is not an attachment in God. You do not destroy it, God does; you bind the sacrifice to the horns of the altar; and see that you do not give way to self-pity when the fire begins. After this way of fire, there is nothing that oppresses or depresses. When the crisis arises, you realize that things cannot touch you as they used to do. What is your way of fire?

Tell God you are ready to be offered, and God will prove Himself to be all you ever dreamed He would be.

Nehemiah

I had a great Bible study this morning with my fellow IronMen at our Tuesday morning study, The Edge. We have been working through the book of Nehemiah and following this great leader's journey from apathy to action. It is an amazing story.

This morning we were all challenged by the simple fact that private worship precedes public witness. Nehemiah did a great work for God, but only after God did a great work in Nehemiah. It is a very simple truth, but it trips me up most days. I can't do a thing for God until God does a thing in me.

God give me favor and a big project. But first break my heart over the very things that break your heart.

Amen.

Trusting Us With Silence

We had some great people (Matt and Jessica) over tonight for dessert and coffee (and Kim's famous apple cider) and we got to sharing stories about life. As we shared with them the story of how God brought us to Lake Cities, we told them of the blog entry that was instrumental in God bringing us here. Check it out here.

I read the following a while ago and I thought I'd share it.

As I read Fenelon (he's talking about, Francois Fenelon, the French mystic of three hundred years ago) on silence, I was reminded of what Oswald Chambers wrote about thanking God when he “trusts us with silence.” Fenelon put great emphasis on the value of silence—not only environmental silence, but silence of the soul, stillness of the heart, and tranquility of the mind.

Fenelon writes, “Sometimes the annoyances that make you long for solitude are better for producing humility than the most complete solitude could be. Do not seek God as if he were far off in an ivory castle. He is found in the middle of the events of your everyday life.

“Listen to the voice of God in silence. Be willing to accept what he wants to show you. God will show you everything you need to know. Be faithful to come before him in silence. When you hear the still, small voice within, it is time to be silent.

“Try to practice silence as much as general courtesy permits. Silence encourages God’s presence, prevents harsh words, and causes you to be less likely to say something you will regret. Silence also helps you put space between you and the world. Out of the silence that you cultivate you will get strength to meet your needs.”

Most of us aren’t silent often enough. A chief executive officer of a large corporation attended a weekend retreat recently. He told me that his most meaningful experience of the retreat was the exercise of listening to someone for ten minutes—without saying anything. He realized how much he learned in that listening silence.

God trusts you with silence. Don't let him down.

{Smith, F., and Goetz, D. L. (1999). Vol. 5: Leading with integrity : Competence with Christian character. The pastor's soul series (40). Minneapolis, Minn.: Bethany House Publishers.}

A Weak You Can Be a New You In a Week!

My son John is the healthiest person I know. He is also one of the most disciplined. I praise God for the way he is leading me towards better health. Recently he sent me the following information which I thought I would pass on. This isn't his own work and I really don't know where he got it. But the important thing is that it is good stuff. I'm trying to improve in this area so that I may better steward my body and bring God glory through my body. Improved health has far reaching effects including:

- Better relationships (more energy and focus, less stress and sickness, etc)
- Better work production (more energy and focus, less stress and sickness, etc)
- Better financial stewardship (heart attacks and back surgeries and stress meds aren't cheap!)
- Better self esteem (It's hard enough to like you somedays let alone like you plus 50lbs more)
- Better relationship with God. (It's hard to be close to the giver when you know you've abused his greatest gift beside salvation - your life!)

I could go on and on. But I won't...

Read, FOLLOW (or at least attempt) and enjoy! A new you is just a week away. Not a completely different you, but a better you for sure!

7-Day Starter Program: Guidelines

GENERAL GUIDELINES FOR HEALTHIER FOOD CHOICES QUICK TIPS:

• Eat ORGANIC! Eat at least one green salad each day, two if you can.
• Start out each day with lighter foods and move toward heavier foods later in the day. Heavy foods for breakfast can weigh an individual down throughout the day.
• Make your cooked meals simpler. Eat only one type of cooked food or animal food at each meal, and always have raw salad vegetables and salad fruits such as tomatoes, cucumbers, and bell peppers with it.
• Remember to drink plenty of water. Try to drink water 30 minutes before meals. Drinking water during or after a meal dilutes the digestive juices and interferes with proper digestion.
• Chew your food! Your stomach doesn't have teeth! The famous Dr. Fletcher recommended 50 chews per mouthful.
• Change it up! Enjoy and experiment by adding a wide variety of fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, seaweeds, sprouts, grasses, herbs, flowers, and superfoods.
• Eat your favorite meals on the weekend so you don't feel deprived!
• If you enjoy alcohol with dinner, consider a healthy choice, such as an organic, sulfite-free wine. Numerous studies have now demonstrated that wine, when consumed in moderate amounts, provides antioxidant (flavonol and resveratrol) protection against numerous cardiovascular problems.
• Exercise. Walk around the block. Take the stairs at work. Park a little further away from the shops and walk an extra five minutes. Exercise increases your energy, builds muscle tone, curbs your appetite, and increases your metabolism. " Get plenty of rest.
  
  IMPORTANT! Daily inspiration and education are your keys to a successful first seven days. We encourage you to visit this link often and listen to the many programs we have available for you!

7-Day Starter Program: SAMPLE MENU 1

GENERAL SAMPLE MENUS:

BREAKFAST

Daily Essentials:

• 1/2 liter (quart) of water mixed with 1/2 tablespoon of MSM crystals
  
  Raw Choices:
  
  Any of the following types of fresh fruit:
• papaya, figs, grapes, berries, melons, apples, grapefruits, pineapple, etc.
• A smoothie containing superfoods
• A fruit salad
  
  Heated or Cooked Choices:
• 1/4 liter (8 ounces) of herbal tea. Squeeze in fresh lemon if desired. Use
  fresh maple syrup or raw honey to sweeten.
• Oatmeal (Steel-cut oats are best.
• Oats contain the beauty mineral silicon)
• Toast with coconut butter/oil or 1/2 avocado (made from whole grain bread or sprouted bread).
• Toast is easier to digest than regular bread.
  
  LUNCH
  
  Raw Choices:
• 1 shot (1-2 fluid ounces) of wheatgrass juice. (Wheatgrass tends to suppress the appetite.)
• 1 liter (quart) of fresh vegetable juice containing at least 50% green vegetables. 50% apples or pears
• One small leafy-green vegetable salad Guacamole: avocado, cilantro, olives, lime juice, tomatoes, onions, celtic sea salt, etc.
• One durian (fresh, if possible…frozen is okay, if fresh cannot be found).
• One whole durian is a big meal!
• Cantaloupe (contains a high amount of beta-carotene and antioxidants)
  
  Heated or Cooked Choices:
• One sandwich containing toasted sprouted grain bread, avocado, clover and radish sprouts, diced red bell pepper, sliced olives, onion and diced cucumber.
• Rice (or bean) burrito containing lettuce, onions, lime juice and tomatoes. No cheese.
  
  Animal-Based Foods:
• Including animal-based foods in one's diet is an individual choice. David Wolfe does not include them in his diet. Fish and wild game are more mineral-rich, contain better quality oils, and leaner protein.
• Goat's milk is much more digestible than cow's milk. Most of the world's population is allergic to cow's milk.
• Smoked fish (only from clean, organic sources - not herring, capelin, menhaden, anchovetta or cod)
• Goat's milk (preferably unpasteurized) Goat cheese (preferably unpasteurized)
• Goat kefir (preferably unpasteurized) Goat yogurt
• 
  

7-Day Starter Program: SAMPLE MENUS 2

GENERAL SAMPLE MENUS:

SNACKS

Daily Essentials:

• 1/2 liter (quart) of water mixed with 1/2 tablespoon of MSM crystals
  
  
  Raw Choices:
• 2 cucumbers
• 2 ribs of celery or bok choy
• One papaya or bowl of fresh figs
• One appetizer bowl of olives
• Dehydrated crackers
• 1 handful of hemp seeds
• 1 handful of macadamia nuts
• A young coconut
  
  
  Heated or Cooked Choices:
• Popcorn made with cold-pressed coconut oil
• Baked, no-salt corn chips with guacamole (avocado, cilantro, olives, lime juice, tomatoes, onions, celtic sea salt, etc.)
  
  DINNER
  
  
  Daily Essentials:
• 1/2 liter (quart) of fresh vegetable juice containing at least 60% green vegetables, 40% other vegetables or fruits (apple, cucumber, etc.)
• One large leafy-green salad
• Raw Choices:
• Gourmet raw food
• Dessert Sprouted bread (Essene bread is a dehydrated, no-yeast, flat bread made from sprouted grains).
• One cup of nettle or chaparral tea (after dinner or before sleep as a nightcap)
• Raw soup
  
  
  Heated or Cooked Choices:
• Toasted whole-grain bread (kamut bread, spelt bread) with cold-pressed coconut oil
• Steamed vegetables (cauliflower, broccoli, asparagus, etc.)
• Steamed artichoke hearts (the best of all cooked foods)
• Brown rice (turmeric powder can be used on this meal).
• Baked yam (turmeric powder can be used on this meal).
• Baked sweet potato (turmeric powder can be used on this
  meal).

• Tofu is high in protein. Be sure to select only soy products that are NOT genetically modified. Genetically modified foods contain irregular DNA and enzyme inhibitors that may have long-term damaging effects on our health.
• Rice (or bean) burrito containing lettuce, onions, lime juice and tomatoes
• Hummus with fresh vegetables and vegetable fruits (celery, broccoli, cauliflower, cucumbers and tomatoes).
• Vegetable soup (containing more mineral-rich vegetables and less carrots and potatoes).
  
  
  Animal-Based Foods:
• Smoked fish (only from clean, organic sources - not herring, capelin, menhaden, anchovetta or cod).
• Young, organic, free-range, or wild game (turkey, quail, wild birds, venison, etc.).

I Miss The Office

Do you love The Office? I do! And I miss it! A lot! So ... I thought I'd share a few of my favorite quotes:

* Michael Scott: It's simply beyond words. It's incalculacable.

* [during a "Diversity Day" exercise; Angela is wearing a sign on her forehead that says "Jamaican."]

Kevin: Hey.

Angela: Hey.

Kevin: You wanna go to the beach?

Angela: Sure.

Kevin: You wanna get high?

Angela: No.

Kevin: I think you do, mon.

* [Jim set a fence of pencils up between Dwight and his desk]

Dwight Schrute: Your pencils are creating a health hazard. I could fall and pierce an organ.

* Dwight Schrute: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony.

Jim Halpert: OK, Whoa, all right 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?

Dwight Schrute: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection.

* Jim Halpert: Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.

* Michael Scott: This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.

* Michael Scott: What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It's the people. The *people*. My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No, no, no, no. It was a young Guatamalan guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went "Mr. Scott, will you be the Godfather to my child?" Wow. *Wow.* Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.

* Michael Scott: I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third.

* Pam Beesley: I don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go. Because then I might...

[pauses]

Pam Beesley: Its just, I don't think it's many girls' dream to be a receptionist.

* Michael Scott: I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends. I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments, and that is when it's nice to let them know that you could beat them up.

* Michael Scott: Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?

* Dwight Schrute: Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I'm being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, I'm going wherever they value loyalty the most.

* Pam Beesley: The thing about Jim is... when he's excited about something- like the Office Olympics- he gets really into it and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here so... that hardly ever happens.

* Phyllis: [the employees are listing what books they would like to read on a desert island] The DaVinci Code.

Angela: The DaVinci Code. I would bring The DaVinci Code. So I could burn The DaVinci Code.

Dwight Schrute: Yeah right, that would keep you warm for like 7 seconds.

* Dwight Schrute: Yes, I have acted before. I was in a production of Oklahoma in the seventh grade. I played the part of Mutey, the mailman. They had too many kids so they made up roles like that... I was good.

* Michael Scott: Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one. "Little Kid Lover". That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.

* Dwight Schrute: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion, you're dead.

* Michael Scott: The most sacred thing I do is care... Today I am in charge of picking a great new healthcare plan. Right? That's what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um, yes. Like a specialist.

* Jan Levinson-Gould: Some times a manager - like yourself - has to deliver the bad news to the employees. I do it all the time.

Michael Scott: Oh yeah, when have you ever done that?

Jan Levinson-Gould: I'm doing it right now, to you.

* Jim Halpert: Last night on "Trading Spouses," there's... did you see it?

Pam Beesley: No, I have a life.

Jim Halpert: Interesting, what's that like?

Pam Beesley: You should try it some time.

Jim Halpert: Wow. But then who would watch my TV?

* Dwight Schrute: Okay, first, let's go over some parameters. How many people can I fire?

Michael Scott: Uh, none: you're picking a healthcare plan.

Dwight Schrute: Please knock, this is an office.

Jim Halpert: It

[pointing to sign]

Jim Halpert: says "work space".

Dwight Schrute: Same thing.

Jim Halpert: If it's the same thing, then why'd you write "work space"?

* Dwight Schrute: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.

Pam Beesley: Why would you wanna raise your cholesterol?

Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it.

Jan Levinson-Gould: [on phone] Dwight, listen to me very carefully: you are not a manager of anything. Understand?

Dwight Schrute: That's not entirely true, because he put me in charge of picking a healthcare plan.

Jan Levinson-Gould: Really? Okay, when Michael gets back, you tell him to call me immediately.

Dwight Schrute: Call you immediately, good. Hey listen, since I have you on the phone, um, can I fire Jim?

Jan Levinson-Gould: No.

* Michael Scott: I think if I was allergic to dairy I'd kill myself.

* Jim Halpert: God, this is so sad, this is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head.

* Dwight Schrute: Studies show that more information is passed through watercooler gossip than through official memos, which puts me at a disadvantage because

[picks up water bottle]

Dwight Schrute: I bring my own water to work.

* Toby: I need to talk to you in your office, it'll just take two seconds.

Michael Scott: Literally two seconds?

Dwight Schrute: [Diversity Day exercise; Dwight has a card on his head that says "Asian"] ... lots of cultures eat rice, that doesn't help me.

* Dwight Schrute: I have been Michael's number two guy for about five years, and we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

* Pam Beesley: I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her.

* Meredith: I'll take the oven mitt.

Michael Scott: Sssssssucker! See, I wanted somebody to take it! Reverse psychology!

Michael Scott: Reverse psychology is an awesome tool, I don't know if you guys know about it, but basically you can make someone think the opposite of what you believe, and that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.

Kevin: I got myself for Secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn't.

[smiles]

Dwight Schrute: Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets... Christmas.

* Jim Halpert: I want to clamp Michael's *face* in a George Foreman grill.

* Dwight Schrute: Otherwise it's just malfeasance for malfeasance's sake.

* Michael Scott: You know what they say the best medicine is.

Kevin: Well, the doctor said a combination of Interferon and Dacarbazine.

Michael Scott: And laughter, also.

* Dwight Schrute: I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?Jim Halpert: [Michael's hands are tied to the rail of the Booze Cruise ship] What happened to you?

Michael Scott: Captain Jack has a problem with authority.

Jim Halpert: Oh, right, 'cause you announced that his ship was sinking

Michael Scott: He just totally lost it. If you ask me he caused the panic.

* Michael Scott: Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."Pam Beesley: Jim cannot speak until he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of Jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid.

* Dwight Schrute: Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years... which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique; it's like slapping someone with silence.

Dwight Schrute: I was shunned from the age of 4 until my 6th birthday, for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.

* Michael Scott: I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I'm going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.

The Four Hour Twitter 306 Birthday Dancing Horse

I loaned Stephen Bailey a book the other day that I really enjoyed. I hadn't thought about the book for a while, but I've since recalled to mind how impacting it was at the time I read it. I'm not going to say much about it - just check it out for yourself here.

I found a pretty cool application called Twitter. Kinda like a Facebook-Lite. Check it out here.

We had 306 in church yesterday! Beautiful, yet bizarre. Beautiful because each number represents a soul, a smile, and a story. Bizarre because every Sunday before that had been significantly less attended. Our previous record (for lack of a better word - and I don't like that word because of the baggage it carries) was 262 for a "regular" Sunday and 285 for an Easter Sunday. The week before we had 251. So where did the extra 55 people come from? Good question. We will find out this week.

Check back tomorrow (or in April...) for a recap of my sweet Laura's 18th birthday blowout! It was awesome!

And finally... like dancing horses? (and who doesn't, really) then click here.

Consistency

I'm watching Tiger Woods right now. Tiger is on the verge of winning his fourth Buick Invitational in a row. I'm on the verge of falling asleep. I pick up my laptop and notice the link on my igoogle homepage that reads: blogger. I realize that I haven't blogged in a long time.

There was time in my life when I was much more consistent in my posting. I often wonder if those days will ever return. It sure seems unlikely if my current pace and priorities remain the same. But I'll be honest with the three of you reading this, I'm alright with it. Sure I miss it but obviously not enough to change it.

Which leads me to back to Tiger. I've come to realize that his greatness is directly related to his incredible consistency. Some golfers rise up and win a tournament or two, but Tiger is winning tournaments with mind boggling consistency. Bottom line is that he is a machine!

Which leads me back to me. I'm not a machine so I'm going to get some much needed rest. Come to think of it...I consistently get less sleep than I should.

What is it that you do consistently? What is it you do infrequently that you wish you did more consistently?